Tag: generational trauma

Hi, thanks so much for coming on the show. Can you tell us your name and where you’re from?

Starr: Yes, my name is Starr Davis. I’m from Columbus, Ohio.

 P: Nice. So Starr, Do you have siblings?

S: I do. I have two sisters and I am the middle child.

P: kind of a lucky duck, Two sisters. 

S: Yeah. 

P: Did you as a kid always think you were gonna have kids of your own?

S: Yeah, I did. Yeah. I we played with Barbie dolls and baby dolls a lot. So it I guess it was always an understanding that in a weird way, that’s what we were going to do when we were older.

P: That’s cute. Is that your baby right now?

S: Um, yes, my sister has we don’t know anything

P: we don’t know anything about her yet. And already she sounds cute. Before you got pregnant. What did you imagine pregnancy to be like?

 

S: Oh, I thought pregnancy would be loving. I thought it would be one of those things where I would be surrounded by my family. Never expected pregnancy to be a lonely process. And I always thought pregnancy was a process that everyone who loves you, I mean, they’re there. They should be pregnant too. Like we’re all you know, kind of in it together type of thing. So I thought there would be more love and adoration and respect, which that’s a weird word that I just decided to use. So I guess that’s a

P: Starr, this is a very high bar. 

S: Yeah, I thought it would be respectful. Yeah. And in loving and peaceful. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

P: Alrighty, well, then we’ll get into it. So so. Did you get pregnant easily?

S: Yes, it did. 

P: Good. 

S: No problems there.

P: And you found out was like a home kit. Is that how you? You were?

S: I found out with $1 test that I bought at a bodega when I was living in the Bronx. So I did the traditional peeing on a stick because I was officially two days of missing my menstrual cycle.

P: Wow, that’s pretty good. 

S: Yeah. 

P: And then what was your first trimester like?

S: Horrible. My child’s dad is a one night stand. So from the time I realized I was pregnant, I told him I was pregnant. And then getting to the end of that first trimester I had already experienced multiple roller coasters of emotions when I first found out I was pregnant, I immediately felt like, you know, hey, I’m 29 I think it’s about time for my karma to catch up with me. So maybe this is the time you know, and when I told my child’s dad that I was pregnant he was also very excited. And that also brought me some ease. So I went, Oh, okay, we’re having a baby. About a week later, he started to show me some really possessive, controlling narcissistic tendencies. He would call me about 30 times a day. If I didn’t answer he would call me a bitch or any other type of crude name. cussed me out. Tell me to abort the baby. Tell me you know, just say horrible things to me. And this is just, if I didn’t answer the phone. So

P: this is already really unfortunate, in part because respect was on your list. And I feel like yeah, it’s an early casualty. Good Lord. And like way, way too stressful when you’re trying to be pregnant. 

S: Very….so it was a you know, I’m two weeks into being pregnant and I went from I’m ready to have you know, I’m ready to accept my fate of being pregnant to I’m ready to go to the abortion clinic. 

P: Wow. Yeah. 

S: Which I did. I did. And my first trimester i i went to the abortion clinic, I decided that I didn’t want to be a mother to a child with a narcissistic father. I didn’t want that type of family dynamic and I tried to make that decision. And that decision rejected that decision. Because when I did take the abortion pill, it did not work.

P: Oh, that’s interesting. So I feel like I have read that it has to be taken early, right? It’s like six weeks. Or something. 

So that hazy recollection of six weeks is a dated in reference. Apparently back in 2000. The pills were first authorized by the FDA. It had to be taken before seven weeks, but since 2016, that window has been expanded to before 10 weeks. And the abortion pill is actually pills plural, two different kinds. One to break down the uterine lining, and the second type to get the uterus to expel its contents. According to Planned Parenthood, if you take the pills between nine and 10 weeks, it’s 93% effective, and it’s between 94 and 98% effective if it’s taken by eight weeks.

S; I was six weeks.

P: Oh wow. And it just didn’t work.

S: It didn’t take my body. It’s almost like it wasn’t even in my system. That is exactly how the doctors described it,

P: that the pills did not have any effect because what it didn’t recognize the pregnancy or the pregnancy was too young or

S: it just didn’t recognize it. They act to give if I wanted a second pill and I went nah. Oh, whoever this is, I’m already afraid of them. And maybe he will be too you know, because this seems like a force to be reckoned with.

P: I like it when the very earliest signs bear out in the end. So I’m excited to hear how this ends

S: absolutely

P: . But also like you are very much kind of going with the flow already, which is I feel like that’s pregnancy one on one and you’re killing it so far.

S: I try my best

P: Were you nauseous at all are like how am I? 

S: Yeah, they gave me hormonal pills. I wish I remembered the name of them but they gave me a set of pills to kind of trick my body back into believing it was pregnant because there was still this. This insinuation that I did take an abortion pill. 

P: Yeah, yeah

S: so they didn’t want me to miscarry. If I was now deciding to go to term. So now I’m kind of doped up on pregnancy hormones. And that kick starts everything. So I don’t think I could keep anything down besides bananas. That was about it. Banana just, it was horrible. I lost a lot of weight

P: I was gonna say I bet now you cannot look at a banana. There’s no

S: Oh, yeah, it took me forever to understand why, you know, it was the banana you know, like pregnancy. The food it kind of strips you of everything you love, like food wise. 

P: Yep. 

S: So I’m just like, dang, like, throwing up so much. There’s so many things I can’t even look at anymore.

P: I bet, Good lord. So once you cross 12 weeks is that a bit a little bit or because of the hormones is still bad or has like a date in

S: it did. So I could I stopped using those hormones at 12 weeks and I get my ultrasound and there is a full little fetus in there. And I knew right away. It was a girl. They they of course couldn’t tell me that but I told them that I knew it was a girl and the doctor they asked me well how do you know that and I said she outlived an abortion pill like that. I don’t think a guy is gonna. Ain’t nobody got that type. of strength to me but a woman. So

P: well, also girl fetuses are much stronger than boys geniuses just in terms of survival. Right. So that was a good bet you made there. 

S: Yeah. 

P: So Starr’s suspicion is borne out by numerous studies that show that male fetuses are more vulnerable to miscarriage than females. In fact, in a 2019 article in frontiers in pediatrics, the author reports that there’s a 30% increased risk of spontaneous abortions for male fetuses with normal chromosomes. It looks like this is especially true in challenging times. While you’d expect that the same number of boys and girls are born each year, when epidemiologists look at the sex ratio from births during war years for example, it’s always the case that there are more girls born than boys. 

So is the rest of the pregnancy smooth sailing now that we’ve crossed this threshold or what what happens?

S: It’s actually started to show some light at the end of the tunnel I re contacted the narcissist and I said, you know, this baby wants to be here. And if you want to be a part of you know this ride, you’re more than welcome, but I can’t give into the narcissism. And you know, I I’ve never been with a narcissist, and I was pregnant and I was in New York and I was alone and what else was I supposed to do but give in and he started to become this extremel…the opposite of what he was in the beginning. He was very sweet to me. He was kind of the excessive calling stopped. You know, he’s, he’s giving me all of these fantasy scenarios. Like, don’t you want to live here with me in Texas where I can take care of you when hold your hair back when you’re throwing up and give you feet massages? And I’m like, wow, you know, yeah, that’s what I actually imagine pregnancy to be. But I’m in New York and we went back and forth about whether I should be in New York, you know, alone through my pregnancy and versus being in the wide open range of Texas. So, at at 12 weeks at the end of my third trimester, I decided that if my body kept this baby through everything, I had been through reaching my second trimester, I would move to Texas, and that is what I did.

P: Wow. Oh my god, this is a this baby is very powerful. Alrighty. So now we relocated to Texas. So now we have to find doctors and that whole thing there and how does all that go?

S: It goes terrible. I get there and I’m holding my fat cat in one hand my humungous cat from from New York, and then I got my luggage in my other hand, and you know, the heat just immediately makes me nauseous. So the first thing to when I step off the plane is throw up you know, of course you know, Welcome to Texas. My I find out that this guy who was whispering all these sweet nothings to me is living out of his car. So that’s so now I’m pregnant with a cat living in a car with a one night stand for for a few days, right and 

P: he failed to mention the car. 

S: He failed to mention he had no place to live. 

P: That is yeah, that’s not that’s not ideal. So So do we stay in Texas or how does this

stay in Texas? 

S: I get an apartment. And I go on the hunt for a doctor and no doctor in Texas wanted to take me as a patient. They told me I was too far long by this time I was about nearing five months pregnant. And doctors will tell me I was too far. A lot of them had patients and then I had one doctor tell me I can’t take another COVID COVID baby right now. Like I have, you know 10 Like already 10 patients like I can’t take another one of you right now. And that was the first time where I felt almost like put into this weird pregnant box where I’m like, Oh, I’m this type of pregnant person. Like because I got pregnant. Now for out of all these years, I’m a COVID. Baby like I have a COVID baby like, and no one wants us. It was really horrible. to kind of go through that sort of medical rejection.

P: That’s so confusing to me I don’t understand too far along to follow Him for what? You’re the same way to appointments while you were in your first trimester.

S: Absolutely. It seems like they want to be a part of that initial journey. And coming in, in the middle part, it seems feels unfair. And I guess in a sense, I understand that but it’s also like, hey, just I just want to bring a healthy baby into the world. I mean, were they going to help me get her here or not? 

P: Yeah. Oh, yeah. So you eventually found someone I’m hoping 

S: I did. I found someone very sweet, very thorough. At the Houston Methodist Hospital. In Sugarland, Texas. That’s where I had my daughter. So second trimester was all of me facing the reality of my decisions. I jumped ship. I left New York, right when New Yorkers are never supposed to leave New York. I mean, just because times get a little hard doesn’t mean you leave New York City. But I had I felt I had to add Yeah, my second trimester was really just dealing with the shock really, of leaving New York and knowing that, okay, I’m not just going through a major life event. I am now going through two major life events. 

P: Yeah, 

S: back to back, which immediately led to me being diagnosed with anti partum in my second trimester

P: antipartum Depression. Yes, yeah. Yeah. Well, that sounds hard, but it sounds like maybe you’re getting help for it.

S: Oh, yeah, absolutely. I’ve gotten lots of help. Even during my pregnancy, I started seeing a therapist. I was still able to eat foods. But I was getting sick in the car. I had lots of motion sickness, and I had sickness from the heat. The heat in Texas kind of like sucked all my pregnant energy where you only got like, a shred of that anyways, so it just like sucked it out of me and the doctor goes, Oh, yeah, you know, this is Texas. You You have to drink like a gallon of water a day to stay hydrated especially because you’re pregnant and I go a gallon of water a day. There is no way I can drink that much water like that is ridiculous. But I do try. I do try. But for some reason I was severely addicted to oranges.

P: Oh, that’s interesting. More on your fruit journey here.

S: Fruit was my friend and my second trimester. Fruit was God like if Eden is a place. It’s it. That was it for me and my second trimester. Oh, maybe in my mind right fruit was that it was it was it was making me happy. It’s what I wanted. And in a sense, I think it I like the way my doctor put it. It’s what your baby wants. 

P: Yeah. 

S: And it made me feel some weird connection. Like, I’m giving my child something already that they want and that’s kind of cool and gratifying. So yes, I was on a fruit addiction which is a good addiction. I guess to have while you’re pregnant.

P: I agree. Yeah. So take us to the delivery. How do you know today’s the day and how does that all go?

S: Yeah, well, the delivery. Mind you this is the pandemic so 

P: is it pre vaccines or post vaccines? 

S: This is pre This is pre vaccine, so the doctor tells me only one person can be there. That’s the most horrible news I’ve ever heard in my life. And of course that one person has to be this narcissist who has gotten worse throughout my whole pregnancy. I wanted my mom there so bad. And there was this reality that she was just never going to be there. I almost felt like the pandemic was for me and in the lens of a pregnant woman. I thought I was going to be sheltering in place and quarantining for probably half my kid’s life. Like I did you know, the talk and what you would hear on the news and how people were just wording things. It was like I was going to live in a box with my child and this narcissist. For who knows when because the doctor goes, the baby can’t be around anyone. You can’t be around anyone. You’re going to go home. 

So my third trimester was very hard and even, you know, talking with my child’s dad about that strong yearning I had for my mother to be present was a very traumatic for me, he told me that my child will see my family whenever he felt his whatever he decided it would be time and I said, Well, when will that be? And he says, I’ll I don’t know. I’ll tell you when I feel comfortable. And in my mind, I knew that was probably never so when we were deciding on my induction because we decided that I would be induced. I kept trying to push it as far back as possible to see if this guy would change his mind about my mother being present or about my family being present, but I knew that was never going to happen. 

So my daughter was due on December the fifth and I told my obg I told her that I was ready to have the baby on November the 30th. And my daughter was born on December 1,

P: so why Uh, why are they making plans to induce

S: they do not want you at the hospital at all. And that was just the reality. If you were a person that was nervous to do a home birth, they’d rather you be induced as early as 38 weeks to just get the baby out of you to go back home.

P: And that doesn’t mean C section, right? It just means just starting labor

S: Yep, that means just starting labor, breaking your water and getting getting it going.

 

P: So before you’re introduced to this idea, did you have a vision of your birth I know you mentioned having your family around. So I too, was picturing your whole family. Kind of around the bed your two sisters and your mom and other than that, was there any you know, did you did you want a home birth?

S: No, I never was at the home. I never wanted a home birth. I only wanted my family.

P: Okay, so you go in November 30 to be induced and how does that go?

S: I hope people believe me when I say this. The pain I felt from not having my family present was the only pain I felt. I did not have contractions. I did not have any pain when I was induced. But I had pain. And I’m sorry to get emotional about it. But there was pain but it wasn’t physical. There was lots of pain.

P: Don’t Don’t apologize. This sounds like I mean, it’s like anyone else who comes in with a birth plan. Like you have for a long time. Imagined your family around you. So to have to give that up. In this wacky pandemic scenario seems like it would be very upsetting. A really hard thing to go through.

S: Well, what people don’t realize is we didn’t get a traditional pregnancy during the pandemic that was literally stripped from us that just tore the it tore that apart and it made it impossible even to be the case. So, you know, it’s not like my mother could just barge through the hospital door, she would be stopped. You know, like that reality was painful. It was painful. 

And the interesting thing is I just kept looking at the door almost like, she’s just gonna bust in here. You know, I got a wild mom. You know, she’s one of those parents where it’s like, I don’t care about any of that. I’m coming. And I was I was waiting. I was waiting for that that moment. My mom is you know, she’s not perfect, but there are moments a parent just won’t miss. 

P: Yeah, 

S: I was almost certain that she wasn’t going to miss that. And when when it hit me that it just she was going to miss it. I kind of didn’t really care what my body was. Going was going through and it good enough my body almost gave Cut me some slack. It felt like you know, my body in a way was just accepting the labor. I contract it very soon. I can tracted. Well, you know my daughter there was no complications with their heart or anything. When they asked me if I wanted an epidural. I did say yes. And my doctor was like, but you seem okay. And I said I am okay, but I don’t want to not be okay. 

P: Yeah, yeah, yeah

 S: So I’m going to ask for it. Anyways. So we get the epidural and the doctor says I’m ready to push you know soon after, and right away soon after I they were getting me ready to push and I leaned over to my narcissist ex and I go, can you call my mom so she can be on the phone and he goes No. Why are you asking this? And you’re, we’re about to have a child. So of course I don’t want to argue with this guy. But my heart is just like exploding in my chest. And I do what women do. I put it behind me. 

P: Yeah, 

S: and I Oh, baby first. This later. I pushed one good hard time. And my daughter comes out with one push.

P: I feel like she is amazing already and doing a lot to help us move along through this pregnancy and delivery. Yeah, she’s got sticking power and apparently she can read a room and understands that if her mom needs her now her mom needs her now.

S: Yeah, absolutely. She’s. She’s my warrior baby.

P: So that sounds fairly straightforward. It sounds like it wasn’t what you were hoping for, but physically it was okay.

S: Yes, physically, I was fine. Soon after that emptiness hit me like a ton of bricks. Because well, one I already felt empty. And now I’m empty. 

P: Yeah. Yeah. 

S: So that was just horrible for me. I almost missed that closeness, because she was kind of keeping me together in a physical sense of hope, having something to hold on to. And now that there was energy in holding on to her like I got to pick her up and I got to go like this instead of just going like this. That was painful. And immediately the doctor came in because I’m crying hysterically. Probably about an hour after I gave birth. I was crying hysterically where I couldn’t stop. And she’s asking me what’s wrong. And she does something that probably was really intricate. She acts if he could step out of the room. And she says, Do you need to call someone? And I called my sister to let her know that I had my baby. So So grateful. 

P: Yeah, that is amazing for the doctor to read the situation so well and remove the eX and make that family connection that you were looking for possible.

S: It was the highlight of my pregnancy experience. It truly was. It was just such a small gesture but I was just so happy to be seen by somebody. I was so happy to be seen. So I’m very close with that doctor and you know, I have went back to tell her how much that moment meant to me. So

P: would you would you say now that you’re you’re extremely sad sadness, you know, in that moment was missing your family? 

S: Yes. 

P: And once you get to talk to your sister to that resolve or you still have a lot of feelings and a lot of hormones and 

 

S: Oh yeah, it just kind of got worse. I just wanted to be home with my baby. And I just wanted to parade her around my family. I wanted to be back in a familiar environment. Because when you bring a child home, everything’s already new. 

P: Yeah. 

S: And it was like that. I just hated it. I hated that. I have this new experience. And there’s nothing familiar around me in this new in this new skin that I’m in and communicating that is I mean, just forget about it. There was no way I can communicate postpartum, like I couldn’t communicate that.

P: So you’re in Ohio. Now. Is that where your family is? 

S: Yes, this is where my family is. 

P: Okay. So so it’s it’s hard, especially during the pandemic, where it’s not before vaccines, you can’t really fly anywhere you especially to a pregnant mom with a new baby, right? You can’t get on a plane and I’m assuming Ohio to somewhere in Texas is too far to drive.

S: Yes, about a whole day. Yeah. 24 hours.

P: So how do we get to a reunion?

S: The abuse continued with my ex and the abuse was trickling down to my daughter who is just an infant. He began to yell at her and he began to have abusive tendencies towards the baby. When I saw that the baby was then in danger. I almost felt as if whoever I was, before I got pregnant, walked into the room, because something in me just woke up and went, I have to get us out of here. He ended up spraining his ankle playing basketball one day, and this is when my daughter was two months old. I took him to the hospital. I and I called a ride and I we went straight to the airport. I left everything behind and we left Texas with our lives. And I got right back here to my family who have since helped me restore my whole life back.

P: I’m so glad to hear it. Thank God that you kind of found yourself and got out of there.

S: Absolutely. And I didn’t care about all of that. We I mean I had my mask on. She was covered up. We were fine. We got back home and I’m just realizing I had lost 30 pounds. I’m in this frail state. My skin is discolored. You know but the baby’s perfect. And, and I got I got myself back. I got myself back together. So if someone were to ask me if I would do it all over again, I can’t answer that. But I will say it was quite the journey. 

Great disappointments as you first mentioned about my expectations of pregnancy being very high. But one thing that I actually will say that I enjoyed about my pregnancy was that it gave me a sense of I noticed this gonna sound weird but almost like individualism. For a while I felt really powerful knowing I’m doing something that a lot of people on this earth can’t really do all the time. I’m carrying life. 

P: Yeah, 

S: and I feel a little bit immortal. Like for a second here. Like I feel really special to be like doing this on this earth right now. And if I if I am to become pregnant again in the future, I would I would definitely hold that that fact near to me that it’s a gift on its own by itself. And even if I was to walk through it alone, I think I would almost embrace that the next time along live next time around because it would be at least I would be free to do it my way.

P: Right? Right. Yeah. Although the first time you know nothing, right. So 

S: Oh yeah. 

P: It’s very hard. It’s very hard to navigate it that way. One thing you mentioned when we talked before is that one thing is you’re writing a memoir, so I’d like to hear about that. It sounds like it deals with pregnancy and a bunch of other issues. Do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

S: Yeah, so my memoir is called Hustle and it is about my life as a daughter of a mother who did whatever it took to raise me and my two sisters, and it is also about my father who had been incarcerated for over 11 years. And being a product of, of strength and also a product of abandonment, and also a product of my environment, which wasn’t the best but I’m aligning the things that I’ve come from, with the things that I am now through a lens of being a mother now to my own child, and just kind of putting the pieces the pieces together. 

And part of my story talks about sex work talks about how I had a promiscuous past, it talks about how I learned how to do things that are unmoral you know, invaluable, you know, people will look down on me for some of the things that I’ve done to survive, but how it’s almost like, carved out this sense of self as at the same time and it’s almost put me in a bracket with with men. You know, I tell people all the time my mom was my dad and my mom at the same time. Never in my life did I want to be a single parent because I used to feel sorry for my mom having to to be both people. And now I’m here with the same assignment. And it’s terrifying and unfair. But I’m aware that stories change so

 

P: also it’s not exactly the same circumstance, right? So

S: no, it’s not. And the first thing my mother said, when I got back, she grabbed me by my face and she goes, You are not me. That’s what she said to me 

P: true. And helpful. 

S: Yes, very helpful. Love her.

P: So the other thing you wrote about is generational trauma stories of your mother and grandmother.

S: Yeah, my grandmother had a stillbirth. And my grandmother also dated, you know, narcissistic men. Same with my mother dating having a history of dating narcissistic men. And these are, you know, my grandmother, you know, dating in the 60s and the 70s. These are men who had came back from the war and men who just didn’t have it all together. Same with my mom. You know, she’s been kind of a magnet towards men who are battling with addictions. My mother battled with an addiction crack addiction for years. So I’m kind of talking about how I’ve done everything to kind of skirt this. 

I went off to school I went to New York, I did all these amazing things, but it’s almost like I’m still linked to a lot of this as well. I bumped into a narcissist, man, I fallen in love with men who are addicts and I’ve never understood how these people are finding me in the midst of my success. You know, I always thought success puts you on a pedestal away from all of that. But no, they find you like come in. They they snagged you up somehow. So a lot of a lot of these essays in my memoir are linking to to that and in trying to gain some sense of understanding how to, to break those. Those patterns, those norms.

P: Some of those things live in you in ways that you can’t really get your hands around. I could totally see why you would imagine. As long as I’m successful, I’ll know step away from those things. But if you don’t fully have control over the ways that those important messages were transmitted to you, it’s really hard to be aware kind of in the right way. 

S: Yes. 

P: Oh, that seems like a learning process.

S: Absolutely. And it’s been a hard one, but I’ve enjoyed the journey.

P: That’s awesome. So looking back now, is there any advice you would have given to younger Starr when she started this journey?

S: Yeah, I would tell her, keep going. And don’t be afraid of whatever that the end result looks like. Don’t try to control it. Don’t try to dictate it. Don’t try to follow a script. Just go to follow one foot after another. Just keep going.

P: Yeah, that’s good advice and how old you is your daughter now.

S: My daughter my warrior baby is 14 months healthy, stronger than an ox. Still Still scaring me every day. But just like I said, like yes, she’s She’s scary. Yeah, she’s, she packs a lot of strength. And yeah, she’s She packs a lot of strength.

P: She is her mother’s daughter.

S: Oh, I would hope so. But

P: what were her tricks and 14 months? ,

S: right now she loves books. She’s getting to that stage where she’s just handing me things to let let me know what she wants. And usually they’re all books that she’ll just go Huh, huh? So it’s really cute. I’m loving that she’s also really sneaky. And sneaky in a way that is making me wonder, Is she trying to outsmart me or is she just being a baby? She’s learned how to get some of the childproof locks off of the cabinets and I’m like, how did she figure out how to do that? And once she realizes it, she’ll kind of look back at me and smile, and it’s like, she’s not even afraid. She got caught. It’s almost like she wants me to know. I’m doing this. You know, I did it. Mom, you know, just so you know.

P: That is so cute. And it’s a little bit like you’re gonna have to try harder mom. Like, I got this. This is nothing.

S: Yes, but at the same time, she’s becoming more loving. She wants to be held more. And it’s interesting because as a baby, I held her all the time, but she also was learning how to sleep by herself and things like that. And now she just hates it. She just, she loves to be on me. She loves to be near me. She likes to copy me she likes to read when I read. She likes to sit on my lap at the computer when I’m on the computer. She wants to sit with me. When I watch TV. So I’m really getting into the bonding now and it’s this is beautiful. I love it. I hope it lasts forever, but I know probably well.

P: Yeah, that sounds adorable. I would I would appreciate every second because that sounds like a very cute place to be if we want to find your writing. Can you direct us where to look? 

S: Yes, I have a website starrdavis.com. Most links to my writing is there. Also my social media outlets. I post a lot of my work that gets published online on Twitter. So my Twitter is@_starrdavis. And of course my book will be forthcoming soon. So we’re in the in the fun stages of doing some pitching so we’ll see what happens throughout this year but I’m excited to be healed enough to write it because I needed some time. You know, of course with the incarcerated Dad, it’s been some years kind of mending the holes in our relationship and even with my mom, we’ve had to go through our own thing too, but I’m in a healed place with the both of them and I’m really glad that we’re in a better place and it’s a real healing for everybody, not just me to be talking about some hard things.

P: yes, this is a good place to be in as a parent. 

S: Yes, absolutely.

P: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing your story. I totally appreciate it.

S: Thank you for offering to hear it I’m excited and I hope it can be used for whoever might need to hear it. for themselves.

P: For many of us, pregnancy is much harder physically than we anticipated, especially with the first pregnancy, where the transformation of your body in ways you can’t control feels like one surprise after another…but Starr’s experience really highlights the fact that while all of these physical changes are going on–life is still very much happening–in all different kinds of contexts–through jobs and moves, and with partners who aren’t necessarily making any of it easier. It is an enormous undertaking to grow another person…and the process tests each and every one of us…that little girl that we could hear on and off in the background will learn, if she doesn’t know already, how lucky she is to have such a strong mother…thanks again to Starr for sharing her story. I will put the links to starr’s website and her twitter handle in the show notes, which you can find at warstoriesfromthewomb.com….thanks for listening. If you liked today’s episode, feel free to like and subscribe.

We’ll be back soon with another story of overcoming