Episode 38 SN: Many Challenges can Visit a Pregnancy and Birth (including Covid): Erin’s story

Thanks so much for coming on the show. Can you tell us your name and where you’re from?

 

Erin: My name is Erin Donaghy, and I’m from Melbourne in Australia.

 

P: Oh, wow. Cool. I’m jealous. It’s beautiful right?

 

E: It is very beautiful. We were just in fall at the moment. So it’s gotten very cold all of a sudden but it is a wonderful place in the world. Yeah,

 

P: I don’t think I realized it ever got that cold…

 

E: Everyone thinks  is always beautiful and sunny. There are some parts which are definitely much warmer. But yeah, we’re right down south. So it does get a bit cool.

 

P: So Erin, tell us a little bit about yourself. Do you have siblings?

 

E: I do. Yeah, I am one of three. I have a brother and a sister. So my sister is two years younger than me and my brother is eight years younger than me so he was a little bit of a surprise but a very welcome surprise to the family.

 

P: I’m the third of four and I have a sister who’s eight years younger than me and she’s like the best one. So thank God for surprises. 

 

E: Thank goodness she came along. 

 

P: Exactly. Did you imagine that you would have a family someday?

 

E: That’s I think, always probably did you know, my brother being eight years younger than me. I was always called his second mom, you know? So I think now to an eight year old and I’m not sure I would trust an eight year old with what I was trusting during that time. But you know, it was the 80s and maybe things were a little bit different, but I think I probably always did but then as I got into my 20s I became quite career focused and my mum is very maternal and was always has always been having you kids was the best thing ever. Having kids is the best thing you know, you’ll regret it if you don’t, and I was always a little bit different. You know, I was like, Look, I can imagine having a family but I think it’s also possible to that I may not have a family. So yeah. And then that sort of changed as I got into my Well, I suppose I was more towards my mid 30s where I started to think actually, yeah, this is something that I want. So I am an older mum. Just kind of how life has worked out. So

 

P: Erin and I are on zoom so I can see her and Aaron does not look like an older mom. So I feel skeptical. so before you got pregnant, what did you think pregnancy would evolve?

 

E: I think that because I am a little bit older. I’ve had lots of friends and you know my sister she has two beautiful boys and so she’d had kids as well. So I sort of I had an idea that could be tough. I didn’t have this vision of this. You know, I’d seen women that look beautiful and growing with a beautiful perfect bump. I didn’t necessarily expect that for me, but I think there’s nothing quite like a lived experience. Right? So no matter how much you can seek, you know, or you think you’ve seen from your friends or your family, nothing like living at yourself. So I think probably the main gap in my expectations was well pregnant during COVID So that was completely and and then I think probably how my birth kind of ended up but that’s a process. You know, it’s a process we go through when we go and so I have this tension. You know, I’m so happy to be here talking to you about this because I think it’s so important that we share our experiences in order to demystify, de stigmatize so many things. And also I understand that there’s nothing quite like doing it, to be able to know what it’s like so,

 

P: but it’s useful to hear many people’s stories about pregnancy, when very few of us have this Hollywood image of you know, it was easy, and I looked beautiful the whole time and i i loved it, every bit of it. So it’s interesting to hear people’s experience. So did you get pregnant easily? 

E: I did. So as I said mid 30s and sort of early to mid 30s I decided something I wanted to do. I was married at the time, and we had started trying for family and then our relationship broke down. So I went through a whole process of grieving that thinking, Well really, maybe I won’t become a mom because I was in my mid 30s. And what did that actually mean? So I went through the whole process of wondering if it was something I wanted to do on my own, but decided that going through that grieving process was not the time to make that kind of decision. So I went through a complete life change left my corporate job, started up my own business, did lots of travel, and then met my now partner we talked for a long time before we actually met in person but I think things are often meant to be in the way that they turn out. So we were together for two months. When I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant, which was a wonderful, beautiful, happy surprise, completely overwhelming but you know, we both very much wanted it. It was earlier than we wanted. Unexpected, but that’s why it happened. But unfortunately that pregnancy ended in miscarriage quite early on around about seven week mark. I had some bleeding, which, you know, led to a prolonged period of bleeding, some scans that were inconclusive, so that I had to wait a couple of weeks and unfortunately the time my partner was overseas so I was dealing with that on my own in a very good health system in Australia, but not particularly empathetic. So I found the process to be quite I mean it was a difficult it’s difficult going through a miscarriage of course, but I think because it happens so early on and in the medical world they deal with it quite regularly. I don’t feel that I got a great amount of support.

 

P: Yeah, That’s really hard. I’m sorry, they didn’t find someone who had good hands for that job and hard that your partner was gone.

 

E: Yes, it was. It was a full time as I said it was very early on in our relationship and not at all expected. So yeah, it was one of those things and when I look when I think back now I think I don’t really remember that month post it. I think I was quite numb like I am quite a spiritual person. I’m quite an emotionally self aware person and I’ve learnt to the feelings as they arise but at that time Yeah, I think back to that month I you know, I came back to my business. I just kept going because I thought that was what I had to do. And you know, I think one of the things that again it’s lived experience because I think I probably haven’t been completely very empathetic in the past when it’s happened to people when I’ve known about it. It’s all the hopes and dreams that you attach to a pregnancy this little being that although just a little bean at the time, everything you imagined for that what that means for you your relationship for creating beautiful little life sort of disappears in a flash and I don’t think there’s a lot around to actually deal with that. And because we don’t talk about pregnancy till sort of the 13 week mark when it’s safer to do so I think it’s not until you actually start talking to people that you realize how common it is.

 

P: I feel like we need some kind of rituals around it to help to help us grieve and just something to help us get some sort of closure on it right because it feels so finished and unexpected and you have no control right one way or the other. 

 

So I took this question of rituals to a midwife. today. We’re really lucky to get to talk to a certified nurse midwife. Her name is Ann Richards Ann thanks so much for coming on the show.

 

Ann Richards: Thank you so much for having me. I am a birth podcast fanatic and listen to them all the time and I’m just giddy that I get to be here on one 

P: Erin’s first pregnancy in a miscarriage and instead of about seven weeks, she said she didn’t really think it was dealt with very empathically I’m guessing that you see it often in your practice, and wondering how midwives are trained to deal with miscarriage and if there’s any effort afoot to develop rituals around this because it’s so common,

 

Ann: that’s interesting. So you know the training for it is very different. I think, depending on where your practices in school, we didn’t learn a whole lot about how to manage it. Oftentimes it’s well if it you know, a fetus in the uterus without a heartbeat, and obviously the body hasn’t passed that that non viable pregnancy then you’re usually just consulting and passing the patient off to an obstetrician who then is talking about management options. And so it’s kind of brushed over to be honest because we call that a missed AB or missed abortion slash missed miscarriage, meaning the body has not recognized that that the pregnancy is no longer viable and so you can kind of lay out how do we help the body to pass this non viable pregnancy? So it wasn’t until I was in my current practice where I worked collaboratively with obstetricians that I got to see those discussions regarding management. But whenever you diagnose someone with a miscarriage, you know, maybe they come in for that very first ultrasound, that very first prenatal appointment and there is no heartbeat. It’s devastating. It is for me personally, knowing that I have no idea how devastating it is for the patient. You know, it’s so hard to say you know, not knowing exactly how that was dealt with by the midwife she saw but I’m I’m just really sorry to hear that. You know, because it is that’s something every time I see a patient for her first visit, I have a huge lump in my throat until we see a viable pregnancy. And if we don’t, it is incredibly hard to navigate because I’m totally tearing up thinking about it. You can’t help but just feel helpless, you know, as a provider, and I can’t even imagine as the patient you know, wondering, why did I do something wrong? You know, which of course the patient hasn’t it’s such a difficult situation to navigate and there’s no right answer. There’s no easy answer in counseling someone but there’s of course, an empathetic way to approach it and recognizing that this for that that person in that family is is a lost life is a lost idea of life and at the last family pains, my midwife Heartseeker that she didn’t receive the compassion that that she needed and certainly deserved.

 

P: I feel like everyone I speak with agrees that we need some kind of ritual, kind of manage and move on. I don’t know where that’s going to come from. I don’t know if you think that it makes sense that it comes from medical practice or it will come from somewhere else.

 

Ann: I think it should originate with us. I mean something I actually recommend my patients now that it’s called the Japanese Art of miscarriage is a beautiful, just very raw approach to to miscarriage and helping families it’s from a patient’s perspective but I think it’s called the Japanese art of miscarriage and it’s what I personally use in counseling people if I think they’re ready for that.

 

P: So If you’re interested in exploring this, I put a link to it in the show notes. Feel free to check that out. 

 

And so did you try to get pregnant immediately again or how’d you handle it?

 

E: Yeah, so we did to my plan is Filipino so he was in the Philippines when it happened. And so I went over, um, towards the end of his trip to visit him. We spent a bit of time there, recuperating. The advice from the hospital was to at least wait one full cycle, trying again so we started trying again after that. Our relationship went through a bit of a very rocky patch, but we then did become pregnant again. And we found out in February 2020s. So it was six months post. So I think in hindsight that six months felt very long at the time, you know, that every time you’re paying on the stage hoping and wishing and thinking and and you know, the I think you said before, you know, one of the things about pregnancy is that so much out of your control. And so yeah, thinking about the six months was not a long time to wait but it felt excruciatingly wrong at the time, but yeah, we got the wonderful news in February 2020 that we were expecting. And then months later, we went into lockdown. We actually took a holiday to Bali, and it was sort of an early babymoon and I’m so so glad we took it now. Time we were coming and going it was sort of on the precipice of things before they got really crazy. We knew that there was potentially a race I was quite seeking. They sickness but it felt like the right thing to do and it was we got back just in time before everything really kind of shut down.

 

P: Remind me how far is Bali for you guys not that far.

 

E: Not too far. So it’s a five and a half hour flight from Melbourne. Okay, so

 

P: not too bad.

 

E: Not too bad at all. No. And it was you know, it was lovely. It was a beautiful, beautiful time and as I said, potentially quite risky but it was very different over there at the time, you know wasn’t a lot of precautions happening. It was a little quieter but just not necessarily a great thing about the precautions but it was nice to escape it a little bit. Yeah. Before heading back into what was the year that has been so

 

P: god yeah, in hindsight, it’s genius. Well done.

 

E: It worked out beautifully. The universe was definitely protecting us. So then we came back and I ended up admitted to hospital because I was vomiting and I was diagnosed with hyper. Yeah, yes, very, very bad morning slash all day sickness. 

 

P: Do we know what generates hyperemesis? 

 

Ann: It’s very largely suspected to be related to pro pregnancy hormones that HCG are the hormone that is tested for via blood or urine when you do a pregnancy test and the higher that hormone, which tends to be much higher in multiple gestation pregnancies, the higher the nausea I really feel for patients who are going through that a lot of women are prepared to maybe not feel their best or not go well in the first trimester. But hyperemesis is just a different beast. It just lays you up and most women have a singleton Or one baby pregnancy and the gamut of what’s normal for how they feel in early pregnancy is so wide what woman you know, feel mildly nauseous or not nauseous at all and other women have hyperemesis or vomiting multiple times a day every day. It makes no sense. It’s just kind of mind boggling. It really attests to the fact that we know some about pregnancy and birth but we don’t know a lot more than we do  know

 

E: I ended up medic medicated for that up until about 16-17 weeks, I think and that was sort of, I guess the beginning of the discomfort for me around wanting a more natural type of birth. I had a lot of fears around giving birth, but I was working through them. I really don’t like taking medication unless I have to you know, modern medicine is wonderful, but I try to avoid it as much as I can. Particularly when I was pregnant. You know, I didn’t know what these tablets were going to do. But I was just so sick. I couldn’t function without it. So I think that’s probably the first real step of letting go. That, you know, I have to be the best I can be in order to grow the baby the best I can so

 

P: yeah, not being able to eat is definitely a barrier you’re gonna have to cross right so yes, 

 

E: yes, exactly. 

P: So was the second trimester easier.

 

E: second trimester got better not immediately. You know, I was sort of hanging on to the 13 weeks thinking is going to get better. It’s going to get better. And it didn’t immediately but it did. It did go on to get better. I was in my second trimester and so I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, which was also a pretty average experience because the reason I was sent for early testing was because of my BMI. I’m a size 16 Australian, which I think is like a 14 us sizes. You know so I’m a curvy girl, but I was made to feel bad, to be honest about my size. I understand why, you know, you’ve come up as a risk kind of factor. We flagged this but it was the way in which you know, I got an email from the midwife thing for the very procedurally does why and it’s because of your BMI. And that was kind of it. So that was a that was a tricky experience, too. Because then I went for the testing and the hospital told me I didn’t have it and then they called me back a different person told me I did have it. So I was very borderline. I think the cutoff for the sugar ratings of five or 5.1. And I was just over that, like 5.1 or 5.2. So that was difficult again, I felt like I failed. And it’s sort of ridiculous in hindsight, but I felt like I was being told that I put my baby in danger. You know, there was no sort of questions around how active I was, you know, whether I was healthy, whether I had health issues, it was all sort of based on these numbers that I have a bit of an issue.

 

P: Of course, we’re in the US and Erin’s in Australia. So other things may be different but in general is BMI, the only marker for screening for gestational diabetes.

 

Ann: All women, all pregnant women get get screened for gestational diabetes, regardless of their BMI. And that tends to be between 24 and 28 weeks of pregnancy because that’s when the way the body metabolizes carbohydrates in pregnancy and how sugar crosses the placenta to the fetus is really affected and late second early third trimester, but there are risk factors for developing gestational diabetes being over the age of 35. The Grand Old Age of 35 is is the primary risk factor. And then having a pre pregnancy BMI of 30 or greater. We do encourage women with higher BMI entering pregnancy to get screened a little bit earlier. And so it sounds like what happened in her case, and 

 

P: is there at all genetic components gestational diabetes. 

 

Ann: If you have immediate family members, one or more with non pregnancy, diabetes, non gestational diabetes, that automatically puts you at increased risk. It’s not just BMI like there is definitely a family link.

 

P: And this is totally speculative. But in the course of four or five months and gets both hyperemesis and gestational diabetes, do you think anything’s going on there?

 

Ann: It’s really interesting. You wonder if she says really sensitive to pregnancy hormones, including the hormones that affect glucose metabolism. So that could be it. 

 

E: And when I got to the endocrinologist, the specialist specializing National Diabetes, she said that to me, she said no because what he said I was pretty I was a bit of a wreck, to be honest. She said to me, Look, BMI is one of the indicators but she said it’s probably most likely getting your mum may have had it, it’s most likely passed on in that way. And she said the more and more research that I do the less and less I believe it’s related to that. So that helped at the time. I don’t know, she was just trying to appease me, but you know, again, it’s one of those things that I just got to the point where, after a very emotional and rocky time, just got to the point where I accepted that I was going to get extra help through my pregnancy because of this condition and that whatever was good for the baby I needed to do. So again, I was quite resistant to wanting to go on insulin. I was like I can manage this by diet and exercise. And I did for the most part but my sugars overnight, were not well managed, for whatever reason and again, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. So I ended up on very low doses of insulin, you know, to the point that by the time I got to the end, a lot of the risk factors that were associated early with the gestational diabetes didn’t end up sort of being there. So they started to somewhat treat me like a more normal pregnancy as opposed to this higher risk pregnancy.

 

P: Well this doesn’t sound like an easy trip. Good Lord.

 

E: I know. But they will say how is the pregnancy like, oh, it was pretty good and there was nothing. There was nothing majorly, you know, big, big issues that happen but there was a lot of small issues. I think it was just kind of this ongoing pace of it felt like a lot of hurdles to jump through. And ironically, you know, where I was sort of sensitive about being an older mom, it never really came up as part of the conversation. You know, I never got called whatever the geriatric pregnancy is. Yeah, it was interesting. I think I was probably a little bit sensitive about that, but it didn’t end up being a thing at all.

 

P: And so when you get to the end of your pregnancy, it sounds like gestational diabetes is you just being monitored or how are we handling that?

 

E: Yes. So um, so one of the parts of one of the lots I guess, of being pregnant through COVID Was that access was quite limited to healthcare. So we had a very hard lockdown last year in Melbourne, which is paid benefits now, but we weren’t allowed five kilometers away from our home. And we were only allowed outside for one day of exercise and what that implication was in the medical side of things was that we had to attend appointments on our own. A lot of appointments were transitioned to telehealth, but because of the diabetes, I was able to continue seeing the team so my OB, the OB and the endocrinologist, in person weekly or fortnightly sort of as it went through and I also got extra scans. So I went through our public health system, meaning that I didn’t have a dedicated OB, and I think having had that experience again, taking away the positives from it. Had I been a regular pregnancy or not a high risk pregnancy or may have gotten very, very little care during that time or very, very little face to face care. So take it as that but it was fairly routine from them. The scans were going really well until we sort of got towards the end of the pregnancy and she was so we knew that having a baby girl. She was measuring bigger. So then the kind of alerts the medical kind of alerts go up and the red flags come up. And that was really stressful because again, I was quite conscious of everything that I was doing and what the impact that might have on her throughout the pregnancy and because everything had been going pretty well. You know, Mike was really well controlled small amounts of insulin. And then to get this kind of red flag around. She’s measuring large on the scan, which we think we all know well. I’ve learned that a so so unpredictable and so not accurate. So then the flag sort of went up again and then we were heading down the path of she was also she wasn’t in position. So she was great. So then we headed down the path of discussing C sections, which was not something that I wanted. So I think I mentioned before I had a fear around birth, but I had been working through it, you know, I’d been reading Hypno birthing books. I was really sort of working towards hoping to have as natural as possible birth but then there’s conversations kind of that say section induction and I wasn’t super keen on induction either. So that was quite stressful and my partner wasn’t able to be there. At these appointments, which wasn’t great. And I don’t think it’s great for the partners either. You know, I think sometimes, you know, obviously I used to have this impression that you know, the prime is not the one going through the pregnancy and so, you know, they’re not going through the pain and the carrying, but I think also on the flip side of that they don’t necessarily get that very early connection and the experience that comes through pregnancy. So yeah, that was difficult. I think it was difficult for me not having him there and I felt like it was difficult for him not being there as well. Yeah, I was relaying everything secondhand with all of my emotions and but the next scan I had, you know, sort of closer to the time again, she was measuring back normal again. So that kind of alert went down and it was all calm again. So I was really excited because I was getting to sort of the 36 week mark when that’s often when if you’ve got gestational diabetes, they’ll trying to induce your encourage you to have a C section and everything was going well and it was all fine. And then I went in to on the 37th week wanting to have a meeting with the induction midwife. As I said I wasn’t keen on induction and I was still in this very much in this mindset of if she’s not engaged. And my gestational diabetes is under control. Are we rushing her it was sort of this real challenge because of like, I’ve got these medical people who know what they’re doing and are the risks far more than I do versus the more sort of feminine spiritual side of me that’s really trying to connect with my baby and saying, but hang on, she’s not giving us signs that she’s ready. So it was really it was a tension and no my partner was he was worried he wanted to make sure that both of us were okay. And actually, like the doctors are telling you to do this. So you go in, you do it. So that was really challenging. So I went into the induction meeting and they said, Look, she’s not engaged. You’re almost at full term. We’re not going to induce her…that’s just not advise at this stage because she’s not engaged.

 

P: Okay, engagement refers to the position of the baby’s head relative to its mother’s pelvis as the pregnancy progresses, the ligaments around the pelvis loosen making space for the baby. This is good and important because to make it out of the mother’s body, the baby will have to travel through the pelvis. Once the widest part of the baby’s head has entered the pelvis, the baby is determined to be engaged. So if the baby’s not engaged, it’s not in a position that suggests that it’s ready to be born.

 

E: We’re really worried about the risk of if your waters break that her cord will come out first. And one thing I didn’t mention before so my mom had a stillborn baby before me. Who’s done his cord was wrapped around his neck. So in the late 70s It was a very different proposition to things how things are now, they didn’t know that at the time, but so that caused our um for us because this has been a very real experience in my family. So basically three days out. He went on the path of a Plan C section, and I still wasn’t convinced that it was the right thing to do. Had you date was the 18th of October. My 40th birthday was the 14th of October, and the C section was then scheduled for the 15th of October. So which also happens to be my nephew’s birthday. So she shares a birthday with the cousin which is lovely. I went through the whole process of just assessing I guess and accepting the fact that my birth was not going to be I that I wanted it to be. I think it’s it’s that point of letting go of control as a parent you learn pretty quickly you have very little control. 

 

P: Yeah. 

 

E: And I, you know, might have a tendency to like to control things in my life, but that’s one thing that you know, the pregnancy, being quite sick and not having the same amount of energy that I had then COVID and not being able to do what I would normally do. I think probably prepared me beautifully. As tough as it was for how much you need to let go of control as parents so

 

P: that is a useful lesson. So did you have any contractions when you went in or felt like a business meeting?

 

E: No. So I did beautifully driving into the hospital. I started having contractions. 

 

P: Oh, wow. 

 

E: So I’ve got goose bumps now so that that made me feel happier. You know, it made me feel like although I know that those early contractions were nothing like what they would have ended up being it made me feel like she was ready to come and it gave me a little bit of a so I’ve been getting Braxton Hicks for quite a while. And so I knew that this felt different you know, that kind of rising up kind of feeling was how I described it and now we’re coming quite close together. So that was nice, but it was very strange kind of waking up in the morning, packing our bags and going we’re going into have a baby today. 

 

P: Yes. 

 

E: But you know, with all of the stress that had come the challenges, I think there was something nice about not having that chaotic rush to the hospital. Oh my gosh, what’s happening? My waters are broken. We need to urgently get there. There was something very nice about the calm way in which we did it. So we popped on in I was very lucky that my partner was able to be there because they were early stages during COVID where Partners weren’t able to be there. It did feel a little bit clinical, you know, you walk into a theater but the anesthetist was wonderful. She talked me through everything. was as I said it was quite calm. You know, I didn’t I couldn’t get my you know, my own burning all my music going or any of that sort of stuff that I didn’t visit envisaged in this beautiful hypnobirth that I wanted, but at the end of the day, we were there together and I held her up over the curtain. That feeling itself was amazing. And whether I went through natural birth or a C section. It was at that point in time that I just realized She’s here and she’s safe. And that is the most important thing. So yes, that magical moment when they’re then passed sort of back to you for that first skin to skin and just the three of us there. Although we were in this surgery theater, just everyone else really disappeared, I guess. Yeah. So that was just beautiful and she’s a beautiful, healthy seven pound nine. So three and a half kilos, good size, you know, good size baby. The babies in my family are nine pounders. So. She was much smaller than I expected. Yeah, just beautiful. Beautiful that that moment. It was a little bit strange because then my partner took went with her as they you know stitch me up and and those sorts of things. So being away from her and feeling a bit groggy and weird and but I knew that she was with her dad, so I was okay. Yeah. And then we headed down to recovery. I heard a baby cry and I’m like, oh, that that might be mine. wasn’t mine. She was so chilled, very, very chilled baby. And they put her on to me to latch and we did a bit of a feed there which seems to go really well. Again, I was fortunate because I’d had the C section. I’ve got a private room so my partner was able to stay again during COVID It was amazing and I don’t know how I would have done it without him you know that first night especially with you know, still not being able to really move a lot. I don’t know how I would have done it. I suppose I would have just had to call the midwives but I mean being that was absolutely amazing. You know,

E: From but it was sort of around the time where the gestational diabetes would happen. And I’d been dealing with so many different people that I felt like bringing another person into my care was would have been difficult. And also I didn’t know if she would be able to be present at the birth because of the COVID restriction. So I decided not to, again, because I was focused so much on the lead up to the birth and the birth itself. I didn’t really appreciate what that support would have been like for us post. 

 

P: yeah, that sounds that sounds smart. I think a doula or other living or some other support system for sure in the US that postpartum care is really, really thin. You don’t see your gynecologist again for six weeks, which is six weeks. Time, right? Yeah, so maybe that’s something we all need to put a little attention on to figure out how that can be. Improved.

 

E: So we had the midwives visit from the hospital but that was again limited somewhat because of COVID. And we have a maternal child health nurse system here where but that’s really about the baby. That’s about making sure the baby’s okay. I think the six week or eight week mark, they ask you the questions the standard questions about postnatal depression but my nurse as lovely as she was, she was sitting at a computer facing away from me asking this question and sort of a tick box activity. I’m not sure that they’re skilled up to really deal with the gravity of those types of situations and I did not have postnatal depression. I don’t believe there were things in our house that we’re taught, you know, there were we’re dealing with this whole changing dynamic, you know, and I think having a child brings up stuff from your own childhood, whether consciously or unconsciously, so, yeah, so 100% agree with you, I think much more care and particularly focusing on the emotional side of things post birth is something that we could all benefit from.

 

P: It is a little too medical. I totally agree with that. So how old is your daughter now?

 

E: She’s six months old Isabella? And she is a delight. She has a beautiful girl she is as I said she came at a very chilled baby. And she is for the most part very chilled, but she sort of goes from zero to 100 She’s also very cheeky and she’s starting to realize that when she does things she gets certain reactions. So she she like this morning she woke up singing now she’s found her voice and she just wakes up smiling every day. So bless her as I said, she’s a very, very good sleeper, which has been wonderful. So we’ve just removed the dream feed. So she’s sleeping from 730 ish to 630 so 

 

P: wow. 

 

E: Yeah, yeah, that definitely definitely helps.

 

P: That’s awesome. How fun. So you’re so close to this experience. I’m going to ask you this anyway. Is there any advice you would have given to your to your pre pregnant self?

 

E: Yeah, I think the one around the doula engage a doula. That’s kind of a very practical piece of advice. I think. From a bigger picture perspective. Advice I would give is, don’t be afraid to speak up. I’m not generally a person that’s afraid to speak up but something happens to me when I walk into a hospital. I think hospitals don’t realize how hierarchical and overwhelming they are, you know, the medical side of things is something they do every day, but it’s very new to us. So don’t ever feel bad for asking questions. Don’t ever feel bad for saying that doesn’t feel right to me. I need to think about it. And don’t be afraid to ask for extra help both physical and emotional I think you know, it’s okay to say I’m struggling a little bit with this got to the point where you know, people wouldn’t be offering food and I would normally say no, we are okay because my partner’s a chef by trade. So where I kind of got that covered and I actually got to the point of just saying, actually, that will be lovely. Thank you so much. Because even though you might be okay one day, something might happen that you’re just you know, something might not happen you might just wake up feeling not so great. Yeah. Except the help you know, it is a particularly vulnerable time. I thought I gave myself time to recover despite the fact that we returned to work early. I really was very conscious of being present when I was with her and still am, but your body has been through an amazing and massive thing and we are emotional, spiritual. I went through a big transition when I was pregnant. I knew my life would change when she arrived. But I had underestimated how it would change as soon as I was pregnant. So she kind to yourself, trust your intuition and let go of control, I guess.

 

P: Yeah, that’s a good that’s a good lesson that you will learn quickly as a parent, right. So

 

E: absolutely. I was grateful to learn it earlier on. So she, she teaches me every day. Cue reminds me every day but yeah, it is you know, there it’s it’s now much less about any of that than it has been before.

 

P: It’s such a great story. Thank you so much for coming out and sharing your story. I totally

 

E: appreciate it. It’s my pleasure. Thank you for allowing me to tell my story.

P: Thanks again to Erin for sharing her story, and to Isabella for doing her part to ease her parents into family life. Thanks also to Ann Richards for her insights about a wide range of issues from miscarriage to breastfeeding–I appreciate your time, expertise and empathy.  Thank you for listening. If you liked this episode feel free to share it with friends. We’ll be back soon with another inspiring story.